Play Date Potential?

Our son has been talking our heads off about a cute little girl in his class.  “I would love to have a picnic with A. in the backyard,” he says while spooning his morning oatmeal.  For months, he has been racing around the school yard with his classmate, A., during recess.  So, I’m not surprised at his suggestion to invite her over.  Since our son is in an inclusion class, I’m not sure if A. is a NT (neurotypical) or ASD kid.  Nonetheless, I don’t have a problem with hosting a potential play date.

Still, here’s the thing:  Our son has the attention-span of a gnat.  A worst-case scenario is he and A. play tag for ten minutes.  Then, he gets bored and wrestles with his "Super Why!" doll, stranding A. by herself for the rest of the afternoon.  But we can remedy that with tons of sugary treats and other nap-worthy games.  Also, I don’t have any experience with formal play dates.  

Unless, a “play date” constitutes raiding a friend’s fridge for snacks before scurrying back outside.  So hosting this type of get-together is foreign territory for all of us.

Maintaining friendships is critical towards building social skills—and it could affect school performance.  Conflict in friendships, particularly for boys, is related to lower levels of school involvement and higher levels of loneliness. 

Friendships for children with autism spectrum disorder may be challenging due to difficulties with social cognition including the ability to read and interpret social cues.  And they have fewer reciprocal friendships compared with typically-developing children.   

Boys with autism, like our son, are more likely to have friendships with girls than boys without the condition.  Other factors such as verbal ability may also influence friendship quality, too. 

A number of studies suggest that “mixed” friendships between children with high-functioning autism spectrum disorder (HFASD) and typically-developing peers may improve social skills for the former.  In a 2008 study in the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, researchers found that children in mixed friendships were more responsive and cohesive to each other than “non-mixed” friendships (i.e. friendships between children with HFASD and students with disabilities). 

In addition, the children in mixed friendships showed higher levels of positive social orientation, receptive language skills and more complex level of coordinated play compared with those in non-mixed relationships.  But students with HFASD in mixed relationships had fewer opportunities to lead and initiate activities than in the non-mixed friendships. 

Still, these relationships—regardless of friendship type—are beneficial for children with HFASD.  The authors write, “…it is not surprising that all the children in the current study, which required having at least one friend, had achieved a relatively high level of social competence.” 

Pros of Play Dates

Some research indicates that frequent play dates (arranged by the parent or child) are linked with a larger range of playmates.  For example, findings from a small study suggest children with HFASD who had more hosted play dates in their homes tended to use more turn-taking behaviors with peers on the school play ground such as conversing and mutually offering objects. 

What’s more, the children with HFASD also got more positive responses to their initiations from other students, according to the study published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry and Allied Disciplines.          

We’ll probably wait until the end of the school year before broaching a possible play date with our son.  But after a school semester of many ups and downs, I can appreciate the simplicity of seeing him smile at the sight of his new friend.